Life Directory

I wish to be small and loved by a guy like [person], who makes me want to be good with him, and also who I am actually good with, and to live in a reality where we get to always be good with each other. This is the only thing I truly want in life. I wish to only do things that are going to help me get to this reality.

Today is my birthday. A lot has changed since the beginning of this year. January 2018: I had a decent amount of money in the bank, a linked boy who was long distance, a decent amount of health that had been slowly improving both mentally and physically, and a decent amount of peace towards the system. April 2018: I have very little money in the bank, no boy, low health, and very low peace towards the system. I don't know what to do. I wake up every day telling myself I deserve love, and for awhile it keeps me going, and then I collapse and I just don't want to handle it anymore. I have been thinking a lot about my birthday wish, and also about how I view my happiness. My proxy for happiness is money, guy, health, and peace. Considering if every component were out of 5, I think my personal optimum score is 4 4 4 3. Meaning I have a decent amount of passive income flowing in, my guy is loving and lives with me and matches me, my health is like Olympic level physical and...

I am so lonely. I have always been somewhat lonely, as being not allowed to socialize outside of school hours does that do a kid, but it's much worse now, because I no longer have such a strong vision of "one day I will grow up and not be lonely anymore" to hold onto. The truth is, I am never going to have those lifelong friends that traveled with me, and I am never going to get the boyfriend who traveled with me when I was young. I looked for a long time, and when 2012 came around and the friends and the boyfriend had not shown up to go with me to Asia, I went by myself and had a blast and made a bunch of great temporary friends. And then I got lonely and went back to my home turf, looking for people to connect with and to take them with me the next time I went abroad. Except nobody was able to go, so I left again in 2014 on my own. And then again in 2015, 2016, 2017, and 2018. I didn't plan my life this way. I honestly thought I was going to meet somebody I li...

I am turning 27. I have not found my guy. If this is going to be my life, I want to go to sleep tonight and never wake up. I am so tired. We were supposed to be together a long time ago. I was supposed to be bright and beautiful with him. What context would make me neutral at 27? $200k well-healed piercing removal laser scar removal no extra fat on my body no ankle problems no back problems passive income good living situation--spacious, furnished, by myself Tony Robbins level health traveling and experiencing different things What context would make me happy at 27? Thiago plus all the neutral stuff Right. Because if I am rolling in money, love, and health, with zero scars from my past, then the only reason I'm not happy is because I am being stupid.

Everything can change in a minute.  You can be happily biking one minute and in a car accident the next, never to bike again.  You can be confiding to a loved one and have your heart shattered by their cruelty.  You can be making six figures every day and then have the entire thing come crashing down.  Nothing is sacred.  I don't really know what to do with this knowledge. It makes me lonely. Nobody else seems as concerned as I am about this problem.