My Heart Dream vs My Reality

My Heart Dream:

To live a good life with Jonathan


My Reality:

If I am absolutely not able to live a good life with Jonathan, then I want to die quickly and painlessly, as soon as possible, without knowledge

//

If I don't get well, there just isn't a point. Then...just be with Jonathan, make the money, and when it is enough, just go to sleep and don't wake up. It is too much pain.

If I do get well, there is still circus to do, and babies to raise, but if I don't get well...

I love him so much. I will make as much money as I can, as soon as I can. There is no point to the money for me if I do not get well, other than to make him happy.

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