I am so lonely

I am so lonely.

I have always been somewhat lonely, as being not allowed to socialize outside of school hours does that do a kid, but it's much worse now, because I no longer have such a strong vision of "one day I will grow up and not be lonely anymore" to hold onto.

The truth is, I am never going to have those lifelong friends that traveled with me, and I am never going to get the boyfriend who traveled with me when I was young. I looked for a long time, and when 2012 came around and the friends and the boyfriend had not shown up to go with me to Asia, I went by myself and had a blast and made a bunch of great temporary friends. And then I got lonely and went back to my home turf, looking for people to connect with and to take them with me the next time I went abroad. Except nobody was able to go, so I left again in 2014 on my own. And then again in 2015, 2016, 2017, and 2018.

I didn't plan my life this way. I honestly thought I was going to meet somebody I liked in college and get married and do environmental work with him around the world on the side while working as a corporate attorney.

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