List of Things to Do Before I Die

The only thing that I have ever truly wanted was to be with a guy that I really love who loves me back and to live a good life with him with lots of love.

Right now, my job and my health are not where I want them to be. My job is....1/10th of what I wanted by the time I was 28. My health is...1/10th of what I deserved.

I love Jonathan. This is a truth. If I cannot be good with him, I have failed.

I am in so much physical pain. I cannot live like this.

So I have a plan. Before I met Jonathan, I was going to go to Montreal, take circus class, and then freeze over the winter. I met Jonathan. He extended my life span by a bit. Made me believe. I still want it. I don't want to die. I love him. This pain is just so much. I am not poor enough to freeze. But I can go there anyways.

Promise to myself: before I leave him, I have to get the abs. I must do this. It is the only thing left in my control. I will show him my abs. It will be lovely. I will be so grateful for this opportunity. I will blow the bubbles. I will throw the poppers. I will tell him that he is beautiful and lovely. That I am so lucky to have met him. I am so lucky to be able to see him again. It doesn't even matter. If this pain is going to kill me, it doesn't really matter.

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